you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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