By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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