i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
