someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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