If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
