what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
