ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
