bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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