Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
people are starting to question the shark bite story
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
