Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
