i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
