You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
