Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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