it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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