i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
