you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
