Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
