After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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