I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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