can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
