I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
