obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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