Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
