8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
