i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
