Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
