Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
