at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
