I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
