Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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