Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
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