maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
