Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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