I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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