she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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