he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
