I cannot find my penis.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
