You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
