god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
