hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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