Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
