i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
