i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
