someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
