sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i think i have two assholes
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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