Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
