I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
