if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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