get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Someone signed my nipple.
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