i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
