remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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