i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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